The Fear of Being Alone
by AlwaysSVU34
Summary: After her break-up with David Haden, Olivia takes a little look back at their relationship and comes to some conclusions. A little surprise at the ending! One-shot songfic based on one of my favorite Reba songs! Please Read and Review!


**The Fear of Being Alone**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from SVU- they belong to NBC and Dick Wolf. I also do not own the song. It is called "The Fear of Being Alone" and is owned by Reba.

**Author's Note:** Hello all! I hope you enjoy this little one-shot songfic. After a tough few months I finally felt inspired to write again and this is what I came up with. Personally, the ending of this is my favorite part. Please review and let me know what you think!

_We ordered up one more bottle of wine_

_You told me your story and I thought about mine_

_You said when you lost her you lost everything_

_It all started having a familiar ring_

Olivia sat in her apartment sipping a glass of wine and enjoying the quiet after what had been a hectic week. Tonight also marked a week since she and David had decided that they "never happened". She wasn't sad-it actually surprised her how upset she wasn't. Maybe she had known all along that it would be a short-lived kind of thing. Something that would bring satisfaction but not true, never-ending happiness.

**Flashback**

They went out to dinner for the first time during the investigation of Cori Green's rape while she was in Iraq to "discuss the case". At least that's how they both justified it to themselves. But they ended up talking through two entire bottles of wine. David talked about his job for a while and how he had gotten to where he was. Then he mentioned his kids and his ex-wife. He told her that they had been divorced for over three years but Olivia didn't miss the pain that flashed through his eyes for just an instant when he said her name. When he asked her about her family she had a difficult time coming up with exactly what to say. She instantly thought of Calvin- the little boy who had stolen her heart. She thought of HIM. But she didn't even know where to begin so her reply had been "just getting over something." She hoped David didn't notice the little catch in her voice.

_So I asked you to take me someplace quiet_

_We wound up by the river for the rest of the night_

_Somewhere around the break of day_

_I could hear it coming from a mile away_

That night she let him kiss her before he put her in the cab that would take her home. Over the next few weeks they saw more and more of each other. He showed up to a lecture Olivia was giving. They went out to dinner and to the movies- always somewhere they wouldn't see anyone that either of them worked with. They had decided to keep their relationship a secret- until both of them were ready and sure it would be going somewhere.

One night after a particularly horrible shift Olivia asked David if they could take a walk by the river. He readily agreed and they ended up strolling along the Hudson for over three hours- sometimes talking quietly, other times enjoying the silence. They ended up back at his apartment for the night. It was the first time she had ever been there. It was beautiful with large windows perfectly depicting the skyline.

She rolled out of his bed early the next morning, needing to go home and change before work. He insisted on getting up and making her a cup of coffee. She kissed him on her way out the door and after he started to say something…

_So don't say that word_

_Not the one we both heard too much_

_You may think you do but you don't_

_It's just the fear of being alone_

She cut him off with another quick peck on the lips. She wasn't ready to hear what she knew he was going to say. She also knew that he truly wasn't ready to say it. She had heard that three word phrase far too many times in her life knowing that it was nothing but empty words. She didn't want to hear it again until she was sure the person saying it meant it and she was certain she and David weren't there yet.

_Reckless hearts can clear a path_

_Wider than a hurricane's aftermath_

_We've both travelled down that road_

_Where in the name of love anything goes_

Their relationship turned into a cluster during the Omar Pena case. They still hadn't disclosed their relationship to the DA or Cragen and now David was working the case SVU had messed up on eight years ago. Olivia blamed herself- Pena blamed her too-because she was the one who had gotten the confession all those years ago. She truthfully swore that as far as she knew the confession had been clean and accurate based on the evidence they had and David stood up for her to Bayard Ellis.

Ellis was quick to figure out that there was something going on between her and David. But before the deadline she had given Ellis they discovered the scarf had been red-not green as the voucher said. This led Pena to be released and the real rapist to be caught.

After the case was closed David took her out to dinner and told her that he was being placed in charge of the Conviction Integrity Unit and that he would be beginning by going through old SVU cases. She would always remember what he offered to do…

_So don't say that word_

_Not the one we both heard too much_

_You may think you do but you don't_

_It's just the fear of being alone_

He offered not to accept the job. Olivia knew without a doubt that she could not let him do that. A disclosure now would probably cost both of them their jobs. He, so very much like her, had dedicated his whole life to this job and she refused to let him throw it all away from her. Especially when she knew she still wasn't ready to say those three worlds to him.

He probably thought he was ready and that he was doing the right thing-the noble thing. But she knew better and she told him that they would have to pretend that they "never happened."

**End Flashback**

_Like a child in the night_

_With no one to hold you_

_And tell you everything's gonna be alright_

Olivia would admit to herself that she missed him. She missed looking forward to seeing someone at the end of the day- she missed the company. David had made her feel less lonely than she had for a long time. She would probably miss not being alone the most.

Also at forty-three she couldn't deny that she was more than a little afraid of being alone for forever. What if she had missed her last opportunity? She desperately hoped she wouldn't be haunted by that question.

_I must admit it's been fun_

_But that's no reason to jump the gun_

_If this is real time will tell_

_So let me bite my tongue and remind myself_

_So don't say that word_

_Not the one we both heard too much _

_You may think you do but you don't_

_It's just the fear of being alone_

A glass of wine later Olivia felt better and had convinced herself that she hadn't let anything slip through her fingers. Telling David not to take the job would have been ridiculous. They'd both be looking for work right now; probably both resenting the other. Their relationship wouldn't have lasted another three months.

She believed-she had to- that one day the right man would walk into her life and it would be the easiest thing in the world to say "I love you". And she would say it because she truly meant it- not because she was desperate and scared. She would be so happy that she would want to shout from the rooftop. It would be so very different from the satisfaction she had grown complacent with over the years. This happiness would make her eyes shine and heart swell.

She read a quote once saying something like "If you love someone let them go and if they come back to you they're yours. If they don't then they never were. "

This was what she thought of a month later when she walked into the precinct and saw…Elliot.

The End

_Semper Fi_

**Author's Note: **Well there you go! Thanks for reading and please review! -Emi


End file.
